As a relationship expert, and as a guy, one of the more frustrating conversations I end up participating in is the “all men are cheaters” confab. It’s a myth that’s so pervasive that even when presented with the facts and research that contradict it, there’s still a pretty violent rejection to the notion that men really can keep it in their pants.
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Exactly how powerful is the notion that every guy is a cheater or a cheater-in-waiting? Even MEN buy into it! This development is more than a little disturbing to me. Such cynicism has been unnecessarily destructive to countless unions. How many relationships have been immediately put behind the eight ball based on that opinion? As a guy it’s a fight I’ve grown weary of fighting. You meet someone you like and she’s already formed a very general opinion on you based simply on your gender. Is this fair…to either of them?
Equal Opportunity Cheating
Don’t get me wrong, I deny the charges leveled at us men, but I’m not totally naive. Guys do stray – particularly younger guys – but not nearly to the extent that you might think. And the disparity between the percentages of females who cheat compared to men is almost negligible.
There’s a website called infidelityfacts.com that’s devoted to nothing but the topic of infidelity and we discover that a slight majority of men have been unfaithful – 57 percent. Alarming number perhaps, but not nearly as high as we’ve been led to believe. But get this, according to the same study from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 54 percent of women have been unfaithful. So is it now fair to say all women cheat? Of course not.
A more disturbing fact – 74 percent of men admit that they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. Women, when asked the same question, affirm that they would do a little creeping too at the rate of 68 percent! This particular fact does lend credence that guys may indeed be only as faithful as their options. This may also partially explain why the rich, powerful, and famous gents seem to constantly get caught; they’ve got far more women willing to be options. How many women governors have been caught sending nude selfies to their boy-toys? NONE!
Furthermore, at a 68 percent clip, women appear to enjoy the occasional side piece as much as men. I’m not excusing or trying to justify their trolling behavior – it’s all morally questionable – but my question is; why do we charge men with being dogs? Based on the research, the more accurate generalization would be that everyone is cheating. That’s not a belief I personally hold – I’m much more optimistic than that – but the consistent and persistent parroting of that sort of cynical mantra has become far too widespread…and accepted as fact, when clearly it’s not.
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It’s a shame that the cheaters get all the attention when so many people make their commitments and blissfully adhere to them and never receive a fraction of the public acknowledgement that perhaps they should.
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Marcus Osborne is a veteran media professional and author of Your Straight Male Friend..Every Woman Should Have One. You can tune into the ‘Straight Male Friend’ show on Breathe Radio, Mon-Friday, 9AM – Noon PST by downloading the free Breathe Radio App for your smart phone! Follow him on Twitter at @smfmarcus.
